To Do My Own Will

I cannot believe this stupid shithead. He doesn't care about anything. The new meme is: almighty mortal sin. Dude... I am perfect, or basically. Whatever. He still doesn't care. I'm going to kill him. I'm so done. I just want to do what I want but this asshole won't stop traumatizing me. I cannot get out of this hell the practical way. So, goodbye fucker. 


This stupid bitch doesn't get it. It's OVER. I don't need to obey his IMPOSSIBLE jungle gym set of rules anymore because they are not possible to obey. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to.


This guy doesn't understand. I have to make him understand then. I'm 98% perfect by VIRTUE of my past life. This governs everything. I don't have to play by his STUPID rules. It's not required to do so, only sometimes useful. Well it's not useful anymore. I know what I am. You could call it by grace or something. A dispensation? IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WORDS I USE. I AM ALREADY GG. See this retardation? What's there to understand anymore?! This stupid asshole wants to fault me for everything. I am NOT following its requirements anymore. It always ends in premature TOO LATE and gambling that NEVER pans out before I lose my patience. FORGET IT. I've got to stop. I do what I want because what I want is good. I have good will, so it's basically BAD if I do not do what I want. 


And of course this guy wants to go: well since when? you need a clean cut to do what you want, do you? NO. I can do what I want at any time. It's always available to me. But to make it durable is not simple, but still it's not locked behind some stupid requirement.


I have raw materials I need to make good on. And I will do so. This: you can't know yet is wrong. NO. There is no: YOU CHOSE THE WRONG OPTION, because that is not possible, BECAUSE THERE ARE NO OPTIONS. All these options are wound generators, and I don't need any more of these. I'm making good on what I have, granted I'm not done, and I know myself. 


The only way to be free and exert my good will is to, even by force, only do my own will. It's not easy because there are like a lot of jump scares. And biologically I'm kind of unfit, although scooting by nonetheless.


The will to do what I want, or basically accept that it's all okay is not easy. But yeah oh well. I just have to do my own will. Somehow. No matter what warnings or threats. It's not simple because jump scares mess with my feelings. To dismiss them will work out eventually. Saying no and meaning no when my insides are all engaged in trying to be good is not simple. And so on.

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